


Anamnesis

by AndWeMutate



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: M/M, Moonrocks, Post-Kingdom Hearts III, Terrisa, isaterra, terraisa - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-05
Updated: 2020-03-12
Packaged: 2021-02-28 03:28:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 10,158
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22567072
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AndWeMutate/pseuds/AndWeMutate
Summary: an·am·ne·sis/ˌanəmˈnēsis/nounthe remembering of things from a supposed previous existencePost Kingdom Hearts 3. Isa feels as if he knows Terra but for the life of him, he cannot figure out why. Still, he obsesses over why Terra feels so familiar.
Relationships: Isa/Terra (Kingdom Hearts)
Comments: 22
Kudos: 40





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I was browsing tumblr, minding my own business, when I saw a fanart of Terra/Isa and my eyes went wide and my mind was blown and how had I never thought to pair my #2 and my #3 favorites together? And then this happened. This mess of words happened and it's the longest thing I've written in a long time so...yay?

He fascinates me. I can't quite wrap my head around him. I pride myself on being able to pick apart a person with a few well-placed glances, taking little mannerisms and deciphering them, transforming them into assumptions that, more often than not, are truer than anticipated. 

But, not him. He eludes me. I can’t pull a single bit of information from him. It frustrates me, but more than that, it intrigues me. What is he hiding?

Still, there’s a part of him that feels...familiar. I can’t quite place it. It’s an itch that I cannot scratch, a ringing in my ear, constantly nagging, nagging, nagging. It frustrates me, to look at him and not see him, not exactly anyway. I see...beyond him. I see something that isn’t quite him. I can’t explain it, which brings about its own sense of irritation.

Who is he, this Terra? What is he to me, if anything at all? I can’t help but feel like I know him somehow, or perhaps he knows me?

Perhaps it’s naive of me to expect an answer to fall into my lap. He could simply be a stranger to me and nothing more. The familiarity surrounding him could be stray thoughts from a life I never lived. Who can say? Adjusting to this new existence has been bizarre, something I’m still acclimating myself to, so maybe these thoughts are just that...just thoughts, tired and incoherent mental ramblings. I can’t even hazard a guess at this point. I’ve overthought it. I’m out of answers.

Whatever train of thought I’d hoped to ride through whatever tangled mess I’d weaved was quickly and effectively derailed when Lea sauntered into focus. It takes a few seconds to actually notice him but the pile of red hair atop his head is hard to miss, even being as lost in thought as I was.

He sits beside me and for a while, it’s still silent. It surprises me, but I feel as though he’s actually thinking about what to say, considering his words. First time for everything.

Then again, as much as I hate to admit it, Lea knows me better than anyone. If he’s taking pause, there must be a reason.

“There a reason why you’re staring?” Lea finally asks.

I don’t immediately react, cursing myself for making it as obvious as I apparently had. I consider a simple shrug, but evading conversation with Lea rarely works out the way I’d like. He’s persistent, too eager, and oftentimes, that’s not an admirable quality to me. Yet, he tries and I can appreciate that. 

“Well?” He insists before I can get a word out.

It takes everything in me not to roll my eyes. He’s impatient, always has been. I exhale and relent, “He...reminds me of someone.”

Lea doesn’t miss a beat. He rarely does. “Huh. Really? Who?”

“If I knew, I wouldn’t be staring.”

Now Lea’s staring. We’re sitting on the shoreline of Destiny Island, the large group we met up with scattered along the sand. The younger boys are burning adolescent energy, running from one end of the island to the other. The girls are collecting seashells, comparing sizes and colors. There’s laughter and hushed conversations under the sun’s blinding light. This especially has taken some getting used to, the idea of simply having fun and enjoying the time we’ve been allowed. 

Terra’s near the small wooden dock, speaking to the boy who looks far too much like Roxas. Or does Roxas look like him? I haven’t come to terms with which is the right answer just yet. The boy is smiling and Terra is acknowledging him with a sense of pride. He’s easy to read in moments like this, when he’s speaking with the boy or the woman with the endless blue eyes. They regard one another as though they’re family and something about that makes my chest ache. I’m not sure why.

This isn’t when he feels familiar. It’s when his eyes are cast downward and his lips are drawn into a tight, thin line. It’s when he’s lost in thought. It’s when he’s questioning potentially dangerous things. That’s when I feel like I know him. That’s when I feel the spark of something. It’s faint and often times, it eludes me, but it’s there. It exists and I feel it.

Lea’s head is tilted, my words igniting some sort of curiosity in him. I couldn’t begin to guess what was going through his head but watching him watch Terra is making me feel anxious and I’m not particularly fond of that feeling.

I nudge him with my shoulder. “Stop that,” I mutter under my breath.

Lea’s attention returns to me (thankfully.) “What? It’s okay for you to stare but not me?” He sounds insulted.

I shake my head. “You’re gawking at this point."

Mumbling something under his breath that I don’t quite catch, Lea leans back on his palms and sighs. “I don’t see it,” Lea hums, “whatever you see, I mean."

Honestly, I hadn’t expected him to solve the mystery I’d created for myself but admittedly, some sort of validation would have been nice. No matter how hard I try, I just can’t figure it out.

“Why are you letting it bother you?"

“It’s no--”

“It is,” Lea interrupts, matter-of-factly. “It’s eating you up inside. You’re obsessing, Isa."

I am. I know I am and I hate that he knows it. I’m obsessing over a connection that might not even exist. In our youth, we met Ventus. Lea took quite the shine to the boy, I remember that vividly, but Terra remains a mystery to me.

“Why not just...talk to him? See if that makes anything click?"  


The thought had occurred to me, but something in me refused to entertain the notion. Anxiety? Doubtful. Something’s holding me back, some nameless and faceless force, and I have yet to figure out how to push through it. It could answer some questions, dispel this bizarre fascination I’ve acquired. It could easily do that...or it could spawn a thousand new and equally frustrating questions. Whatever I do could hinder or help, harm or grant me some sort of levity. I don’t know. The only thing I do know for sure is...

“Hey, Terra!” Lea’s waving his arms, calling out to the man on the other end of the shore. He demands Terra’s attention with the obnoxious flailing of his arms. “Come here for a sec, will ya? My friend wants to talk to ya!"

The only thing I do know for sure is that one day, I’m going to kill Lea.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "We understand each other in a surprising way. I hadn’t quite expected that."
> 
> With 'help' from Lea, Isa and Terra begin a dialogue. Will it help answer some of Isa's questions?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A huge, very huge, ridiculously huge THANK YOU to the people who have read, left kudos and commented! ;-; I'm also worried to post something new but this has made me a little more excited to share the rest of this with you. It's already all done and typed up - I just need to go through it until my eyes bleed to make sure there's no errors and the like. I'll try to post a new chapter every few days, give or take.
> 
> But like, seriously, really and truly...to everyone who read this, thank you. Even if you didn't like it, thank you for reading. It kinda means a lot to me c:

He’d be an intimidating force if his features weren’t as soft as they were. Tall, built solidly, probably a fine example of pure physicality, but there’s something about his face, his eyes specifically, that soften him, that make him sway in the direction of friends rather than foe.

As he approaches, Ventus trailing behind him like an overeager puppy, it takes everything in me not to punch Lea in his smug face. He’s happy with himself and he’s making no effort to hide it. Everything in my head helplessly sloshes around, any point I could have tried to make out the window at this point. I hadn’t the proper time to organize my thoughts or consider the questions to ask. I had no idea what I could say to get my point across without sounding like a complete lunatic. I was a stranger who was insisting that I knew another stranger, shoved forward by an insistent feeling in my gut and a persistent friend who enjoyed watching the world burn.

Damn him.

Ever the jovial one, Lea flashes that charming grin of his and Ventus beams. I was surprised to hear that he remembered us from that short interaction so very long ago. It felt like another lifetime. Then again, Ventus is young, a treasure trove of memories, good and bad. There are moments I’m still struggling to forget, things I wish I could no longer recall. Youthful ignorance has its benefits...but Ventus is no ordinary young man. I know little concerning the path he’d taken over the past many years or what he had done when the darkness came calling. Like the rest of us, it was not easy, I wager. We all seemed to pursue paths that did not come with the benefit of ease. It’s something we all have in common.

Rising to our feet, Lea brushing the sand from his palms, we’re now face to face with both Terra and Ventus. Terra looks puzzled, albeit polite. I don’t exactly blame him; he doesn’t know me and I don’t know him, even if it feels differently in the pit of my stomach. We might have exchanged pleasantries after everything concluded, but even that, I’m not too sure of. My interactions with him have been stolen glances and an endless amount of questions I ask to no one. That’s all. He owes me nothing.

Yet, he offers me a small, sincere smile beyond his apparent confusion and there’s something in my chest that swells. I can’t begin to explain it and thankfully, Lea’s interruption forces the thought out of my head. 

“Isa, this is Terra. Terra, Isa,” is Lea’s attempt at an introduction. It’s lax and impersonal and not at all what I intended, but it does encourage Terra to extend his hand.

“Nice to meet you, Isa.”

I take his hand and shake it. As expected, a firm grip from a strong hand. “The pleasure is mine,” I hear myself say, Terra relinquishing his hand afterwards. I’m at a loss, unsure of how to start an overly complicated conversation that would undoubtedly start with, ‘Hello, my best friend is a buffoon and called you over for no other reason than to watch me squirm. How are you?’ and while not wanting to appear rude, the words refuse to make any sort of sense in my head.

Lea nudges me and tosses his arm around Ventus’ shoulder, grinning like an idiot. “So, Ven and I are gonna wander down the beach for a bit, see what the girls are up to,” the moron gleefully announces, “and we’ll be back!” With that, the two disappear down the shore, leaving two strangers standing awkwardly before one another.

Few would miss Lea if he disappeared suddenly. 

If I had any sort of common sense residing amongst the myriad of static in my head, I would have politely excused myself from this ridiculously uncomfortable situation and placed as much distance between the two of us as possible. I’d leave this memory behind with second, third and fourth thoughts but it’d be for the best. No embarrassment, nothing of the sort. I’d be giving Terra an out while selfishly giving myself one. 

Instead, I’m filled with...curiosity? Intrigue? I can’t quite grasp it, whatever it is, but it compels me to stay, to speak, to do anything but retreat. I want to talk to him, even if I have no idea what to say.

Wherever this inherent foolishness intends to take me, I suppose I’ll find the words along the way.

“I do apologize for Lea’s eccentric behavior,” I say, arms across my chest. I feel like I’ll be doing that a lot now, apologizing for Lea. Then again, in the beginning, I feel like I was apologizing for Axel the very same way. At least we’re consistent. 

Terra chuckles, a deeper sound than I expected. He’s smiling when I look over, a soft, fond sort of look. “No need,” he replies. “Lea’s excitable. I admire that about him. Plus, Ven values his friendship,” he tilts his head just so, “just like you do.”

I wrinkle my nose. He’s not wrong. Before everything, after everything, I somehow always had Lea’s friendship. There’s a part of me that still doesn’t understand how. Lea and I have always been different, too different, yet we always had each other. It was like a gravitational pull, an inescapable force.

If I had to be stuck with anyone, there are worse people to be stuck with than Lea.

“I remember meeting Ventus,” I say, not purposefully trying to change the course of the conversation. “He and Lea hit it off instantaneously. It was almost like they’d known each other for years.”

Terra looks thoughtful. I can’t read his expression beyond that. Whatever he’s thinking, whatever thoughts are racing through his head, I’m helpless to keep up with them. Despite the faint smile he’s wearing, there’s something solemn about him, something nearly sad. I follow his gaze and he’s watching Lea and Ventus disappear further down the shoreline. There’s something about that silence that I somehow understand.

“Ventus is your Lea.”

He seems to understand and his expression softens. “I guess he is,” he replies.

I find myself smiling. Using so few words, I now understand what Ventus is to Terra and while I can’t believe that Ventus is anywhere near as charmingly infuriating as Lea, I get it. It also fills me with an odd sort of feeling that I can so easily relate to Terra, someone I don’t really know, even if it’s concerning something as simple as a friendship.

I have about a dozen questions that are struggling to make themselves heard but I shove them aside. I’m not in the business of making an overeager fool of myself. I instead force myself to keep this as casual as possible. I can feel each and every probing question clanking against my teeth but I clench my jaw shut. I’m thinking too much. Stop. Stop thinking.

Say something.

“Hey,” Terra interrupts the existential crisis raging within me and his voice startles me. He nudges his chin towards the dock he and Ventus were standing beside before Lea called them over. “Take a walk with me?”

I nod quickly in the affirmative and he begins walking. I follow at his side. Something about the action causes my stomach to turn. I feel like I’ve done this exact thing before...except the sun wasn’t shining and the air didn’t smell like salt. I can’t place the memory...if it even is a memory.

Maybe I’m casually losing my mind.

We leave a pair of footprints in the sand as we walk. Our shoulders occasionally bump but neither of us apologize. It feels familiar, as if we’ve repeated this very same action a million times before. Almost as if we were friends. Are friends. I can’t make sense of it.

We approach the dock and take a seat side by side, our legs dangling over the salty sea that stretches out endlessly before us. Admittedly, I found it all overwhelming at first. After everything, a lot of things were overwhelming, but how open and boundless the sea was, immeasurable and daunting...even now, I can only keep its gaze for so long before the sense of dread attaches itself to me and I have to look away. 

But, Terra regards the sea as an old friend. He smiles softly in its direction and welcomes the breeze. He wears a somber expression and I nearly feel guilty for disturbing him.

“Before this,” I say, “where were you?” The question sounds odd as it leaves my mouth but he doesn’t waste a single moment.

“Lost. I was very lost in a deep, deep darkness.” If anyone else, anyone who hadn’t seen the things we’ve seen, had answered that way, they’d earn themselves a confused look in return. But, I knew. I understood. I nod and he continues, “Part of me thought I’d never see any of this again. My friends, the sun, the sea...I thought I had lost all of it.”

I understand now why there’s that fondness softening his expression. I learned the hard way that nothing is promised to you, no matter how fervently it's spoken. To believe that daylight may never come for you again is a sobering feeling. That’s something else we have in common, it seems.

There’s a comfortable silence that hangs between us for a few moments. It doesn’t feel awkward. It feels as though we were content to not fill every single second of silence with babbling, mindless or otherwise. It takes a bit of the pressure off and I sigh in relief.

“And you?” Terra asks.

“Being led astray,” I answer without hesitation. It leaves an odd taste on my tongue but I can’t argue with the validity of that statement, can I? As much as I’d like to believe I was stronger, smarter, I wasn't. I was blindly following, stumbling through the darkness, clutching tightly to a promise I was denied so many times. If it didn’t work the first time, it would work the second and if not then, then the third or fourth. A pile of empty and broken promises was all I had to show for all of the time I had wasted.

I tilt my head just enough to look at Terra and his expression surprises me. It’s firm understanding. “Me too,” he replies softly.

For a while longer, we chat idly. It doesn’t feel forced. I find myself wanting nothing more than to continue speaking to him. Being able to speak so candidly about a period in both of our lives teeming with regret and dreadfully made decisions was, in a peculiar way, liberating. I listen to his stories and he listens to mine, neither judging or shaking their heads in disgust. We understand each other in a surprising way. I hadn’t quite expected that.

I can’t help but marvel at him. He’s well-spoken and kind, shouldering every ounce of blame on broad shoulders. He tries to smile through his remorse and I find that admirable. He’s doing it for Ventus and his other companion, Aqua. They are his support and he is theirs. If left alone to his own devices, his own thoughts, I have to wonder how long his smile would last. How long would he be able to stand tall?

I often wonder that about myself.

The sun dips lower and lower, causing the ocean to burn with rich reds and oranges. I had nearly forgotten the world around me as it faded into twilight, lost in conversation.

“Terra!” We both turn towards the shore to see Ventus excitedly dashing down the shoreline, Lea casually strolling behind him, hands jammed into his pockets. It’s only then I realize that Terra and I were the last two on the beach. The boisterous boys and the giggling girls had disappeared at some point, wandering away until only he and I remained. 

How long had we been talking? How much time had passed?

Ventus is practically glowing, smiling brightly at Terra. “Aqua thinks we should head back,” he says. I’m still not quite used to this boy sharing a face with Roxas. If Ventus knew how to scowl, there would be no way to tell the two apart.

Nodding, Terra lifts himself to his full height and I follow suit. We step off the dock and back onto the sand, joining our respective friend’s sides. I fight the urge to be disappointed that our chat had to end and for whatever silly reason, I wonder if Terra feels similarly. 

“That was fun,” says Terra, as if reading my mind. “We should do that again sometime.” There’s no hesitation in his statement and he sounds sincere with that request...and I feel myself smiling.

“I’d like that,” I reply. I would. I really would.

Lea and Ventus say their goodbyes and with an enthusiastic wave from Ventus, they take their leave to find their companion and return home. 

It’s quiet for a few moments. I can feel Lea’s eyes burning a hole into the side of my head. “What?” I sigh, already exasperated. 

He’s so very proud of himself. He nudges my shoulder with the heel of his palm, causing me to lurch forward slightly. “You made a friend!” Lea proclaims in an almost sing-songy voice, grinning from ear to ear. “I’m so proud of you! We’ll have to set up another playdate for you two.”

I roll my eyes. “Shut up.”

I refuse to give Lea the satisfaction of knowing that that’s exactly what I want.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Isa and Terra meet . They spend some time together, share stories and talk. All the while, Isa may be getting closer to figuring out why he feels like he knows Terra.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay hi. I meant to post another chapter or two at least by now, but work got a little hectic and my mood did a weird thing and I just couldn't bring myself to do anything but come home, eat dinner and sleep. But, I have a day off so I can relax and post more~!
> 
> Another huge thank you to the people who read this and the people who commented ;-; I'm not gonna lie, it literally makes my day to read what people think about my take on this ship so honestly, truly, thank you~
> 
> A bit of a long chapter this time - I hope it doesn't drag or feel too long, ya know?

Days pass, quiet and uneventful, but I’m still fixated on my conversation with Terra. I remember every word and I remember his tone. I remember the shape of his mouth when he smiled and I remember the exact shade of blue his eyes were. I’d like to think I’m not obsessing but at this point, I’m not even sure. It’s not...normal, per say, so I’ll leave it at that.

I’m still struggling with why this air of familiarity hangs so heavily over Terra. Throughout our conversation, certain words sounded as though they didn’t belong to him, like they had been stolen from someone else’s mouth. At times, it sent a very distinct chill down to the base of my spine. Not everything he said elicited that reaction, just certain things. If his voice dropped below a certain pitch or if his cadence shifted slightly, it hit something in me, something that had been buried for a little too long, deeper than I cared to dive. 

Yet, I still want to talk to him. Despite the confusion I’m experiencing and how conflicted I feel, I want to share stories and learn about the past he guards like a sentry. I want to bury myself in the knowledge he possesses and I want, more than anything, for him to feel understood. 

Why is that so important to me?

He’d like to believe that it was to my chagrin, but Lea organizes a get together with Ventus and Terra. I don’t appear eager, causing Lea to grumble under his breath, but I’m looking forward to it. I wonder if we’ll pick up right where we left off or if our time on the shore was a mere fluke. 

I’ve never been successful when it comes to making friends. I got lucky (if you could call it that) with Lea, the fool who continued to remain by my side, no matter the way I mistreated him. I have always been thankful for that, but admittedly, he’s spoiled me a bit. He’s really the only person I call a friend. I’ve recently become lush with acquaintances but I remain guarded, unwilling to expose myself again. It makes it hard to approach me and I know that, but I refuse to fall back into past destructive behaviors. It got me into trouble once before and I can’t be naive and expect it not to happen again. So, I’ll keep those around me at arm’s length for their safety and mine.

Terra, however, has me thinking differently and it frustrates me.

I want to bring him closer, let him in. I want him to know as much as Lea knows about me and I cannot figure out why. This isn’t like me, not at all, but I’m drawn to him in a very visceral way and at present, it feels inescapable. How long will I be struggling with this?

The day comes and before we leave, I catch my reflection in the mirror. I’ve never obsessed over my appearance, but I find myself tucking a stray strand of hair behind my ear. I also find myself ensnared by my own gaze. Green. I see green. For the longest while, I only remember that sickening yellow and for the longest time, I wore it well. Too well. Being liberated from all of that now still feels like something my tired mind fabricated but I constantly work to find ways to remind myself that the worst is over now. 

At least, that’s what we’d like to believe.

“You ready or what?” I see Lea in my reflection, impatience smeared across his face. “We’re gonna be late, c’mon.” 

I relent and force the intrusive thoughts as far back as they’re willing to go. Smoothing my palms down the front of my jacket, I turn to face Lea. “Let’s go.”

~*~

We agreed to meet in Radiant Garden, which is where Lea and I returned after everything happened. There has been discussion concerning us relocating to Twilight Town (Lea wouldn’t admit it outright, but after so much time wasted, I know he wanted to be closer to Roxas and Xion) but for the time being, we call Radiant Garden home the same way we did before our lives took a sharp turn towards the strange and unusual.

Lea holds many fond memories of Radiant Garden close to his heart; it’s where we did most of our growing up and it’s where he met Ventus. My memories aren’t entirely pleasant but I did call this place home once, so I can do it again. However, the more I think about it, the more I believe a chance of scenery would do us some good.

We wait for our visitors in the marketplace. It’s fairly quiet, but there are a small handful of residents wandering about the stalls browsing the wares. Lea finds himself a spot on the stairs leading down into the market and I lean against the wall beside him. 

“So, did you figure it out?”

“Hmm?”

“Terra. Did you figure out why he seems familiar?”

I exhale slowly. Every time I think I’m close, my train of thought derails and sets itself ablaze in magnificent fashion. I’m close enough at times to almost see it but more often than not, my visions blurs and I lose sight of it, all of it, and it’s a struggle getting it back. I’ve fought harder than I care to admit, racked my brain for hours and I’ve come up empty handed. It’s been an absolutely draining process. 

“Guess I’ll take that as a no?”

I bite the inside of my cheek. I hate how transparent I’ve become. Lea sees right through me effortlessly. “I just can’t figure it out,” I admit.

Suddenly, I feel my body jolt as Lea tugs at a few strands of my hair at the back of my head. I turn to face him and he’s smirking, but it fades into a softer smile, a bit of concern hiding in his eyes. “You’re thinking too much. Seriously, Isa...maybe just, I don’t know? Relax? You’re allowed to take things at face value once in a while, you know.” 

I’m not quite used to such intuition coming from Lea and while it’s a stretch, maybe he’s right. Maybe I am putting too much thought into this, burning too much energy. I’m getting nowhere fast and the strides I’m taking are getting wider and wider. How much longer until I fall flat on my face? How much longer until these intrusive thoughts damage and taint something that could be spectacular? 

I offer Lea a teasing smile, “When did you become so insightful?”

Before Lea can sputter out a reply, a familiar and very excitable voice calls out, disturbing the calm of the marketplace. “Lea! Isa!” Ventus bounds over, Terra following behind him. Lea’s all smiles as he joins me at my side and admittedly, I’m smiling too. Something about being included in Ventus’ excitement makes my heart feel full. I lift my hand and greet him with a small wave as they approach.

“Well, good morning to you, too,” Lea chuckles, ruffling his fingers through Ventus’ hair fondly. They act like brothers, playful banter and boyish laughter. Lea acts similarly with Roxas and a little gentler with Xion. He’s still stellar when it comes to collecting strays, it seems. They flock to him effortlessly.

Terra catches up and greets us with a small smile and a sagely nod of his head. Ventus and Lea were already off, babbling and chortling, wandering about the marketplace. Terra and I watch them disregard our existence entirely and we chuckle.

“Quite the pair, aren’t they?” Terra crosses his arms over his chest, watching the two with a sense of reverence. Lea nudges Ventus’ shoulder with his own and Ventus retaliates with a short laugh.

“They are,” I reply, unable to hide my own amusement. Lea and I have a very different relationship in comparison to Lea and Ventus; they’re very physical, always nudging and teasing, while Lea and I have our moments, but we’re usually a little calmer around one another. Maybe it’s what we bring out in each other? “Ventus brings out a very playful side of him,” I add.

Accepting the fact that neither of us exist in Lea and Ventus’ little world at the moment, Terra begins to wander towards the small set of stairs that lead to the Borough and instinctively, I follow. We end up side by side again as we take slow, steady steps through the more residential area of Radiant Garden.

“You’ve known Lea for a long time?”

“Unfortunately,” I say a little too quickly, causing Terra to chuckle. “We’ve been best friends since we were children. We grew up here,” I say, clenching my jaw. We grew up here...before everything went wrong, so ridiculously wrong. Things were simpler then. I can’t quite remember the last time things were that simple.

Terra angles his gaze towards me. “You’ve been through a lot together,” he hums.

I feel a distinct tightness in my chest. Understatement. Understatement of the century. Instead of unloading a myriad of baggage filled to the brim with ugly feelings and regretful actions, I nod and reply, “More than I can begin to explain.”

There it is again, that look of firm and complete understanding. It sends a chill down the length of my spine. People want to be understood, I understand that, but the things I’ve done, the words I’ve said and the lives I’ve jeopardized...I want for no one to ever understand how that feels, not for a single moment, but the way Terra looks at me, the way his expression softens and the way his shoulders tense...he understands and it saddens me. 

“I can only guess you and Ventus have been through your fair share,” I say quietly. Despite the fact that we existed within the same time, surrounded by similar, consuming darknesses, we never interacted. We may have only been worlds apart at times but it might as well have been universes. Our experiences could not have been more different, yet we ended up here somehow, together, walking side by side. Funny how things work out.

Terra stops walking. He’s still and quiet, lost in thought. I stop and face him, feeling the need to instantly apologize for bringing it up at all. We’re damaged, the entire lot of us, but that goes without saying, I suppose.

“We’re pretty lucky, aren’t we?” His voice is gentle and the question he’s asking is sincere.I hesitate, not wanting to respond hastily and it seems I was right to do so because Terra speaks again. “To still have people in our lives, willing to share their light with us, no matter what has happened, no matter what we’ve done…” His voice trails off, a wistful look in his eyes.

I know how lucky I am. I refuse to forget that I’m more fortunate than I deserve to be. My fate, the life I’m leading now...it could have been quite different if even a single thing had happened differently. If any one thing had changed, my fate would have been altered wildly. For what I have, for what I have been gifted, I am thankful and I consider myself very lucky.

It seems Terra does too.

I swallow hard and reach a hand forward, placing it carefully upon his shoulder. “We are. We are extremely lucky, but even beyond that, we’re here now. Now, it’s our turn to share our light with them.” I give his shoulder a reassuring squeeze. “Now is the time that we can make the effort to do for them what they have done for us.”

There’s a moment where I fear I may have overstepped. We’re silent and my hand still sits idly upon his shoulder. I wait for him to shrug my hand aside, dismiss me, insist I have no idea what I’m talking about. I couldn’t hazard a guess concerning the darkness that resides within Terra, but this relentless need to understand him, to help him, persists. 

His gaze meets mine and he surprises me with a smile, something that looks almost childish on a face with such strong features and well-defined angles. In a way I hadn’t expected, it suits him. He nods and says quietly, “You’re right. You’re absolutely right. Thank you, Isa.” 

A strange flutter in my chest comes and goes. I retract my hand, my fingertips immediately cooling without Terra’s shoulder beneath them. “Don’t mention it,” I reply, taking a few steps forward, hoping to continue our walk. Terra follows without question. 

We wander Radiant Garden for hours, but it feels like minutes. I admittedly lose myself in our conversation. He recounts moments with his friends and the journeys they shared before their world was turned on its head. He even laughs a few times and I can’t stop myself from smiling.

He asks questions about me, about the life I led before everything and I realize then I’m still guarding myself. I’ve listened to him for as long as he was willing to talk and I was content with that, but recounting my own sordid tale in great detail had never quite crossed my mind. In the Organization, I listened. I spent my fair share of time observing, collecting bits and pieces, listening quietly and intently. I’d report back with what I learned and start again. I was an observer and that role suited me fine, but to have someone sincerely ask about the life once lived and the life I returned to...it’s unexpected.

So, I talk. I tell him a few stories about growing up here with Lea, how things were. I tell him about the day we met Ventus and how he and Lea became fast friends. I answer his questions and I force myself to be honest, as lucid as I could be. Recounting memories of a life I nearly lost feels strange at first, but slowly slips into being cathartic in its own way.

Without realizing it, we’d wandered back through the more residential part of town and we end up on the street where Lea and I live. I tell Terra this and lead him into the small cottage just as stars begin to dot the sky and an unseasonable chill hangs in the air. 

In one swift motion, I turn the lights on and close the door behind us. It’s quiet, so I rightly assume that Lea and Ventus are still out galavanting. I don’t think Terra or I are worried. They can take care of themselves just fine. 

The chill from outside seems to have followed us inside. “I’ll light a fire,” I say, moving to the small fireplace, “and you can make yourself comfortable.” 

“I can he--”

“I insist,” I gently interrupt, kneeling at the fireplace. “Please, make yourself at home.”

There’s a helplessness about him, standing tall without a single task to complete. So, he relents and takes a seat upon the couch adjacent to where I was kneeling. As I ready the fire, I watch him out of the corner of my eye; there’a a sense of nervousness about him, hands fidgeting in his lap. I’d wager he’s not exactly used to others taking a leading role, always ready and willing to do something for anyone who asks. That’s his nature, just who he is. I learned that very quickly.

The fire comes to life, cracking as the flames begin their intricate dance. I return to my full height and turn to face Terra. “Would you like something to eat? Something to drink?”

“I’m fine, thanks,” he replies quickly, as if worried that requesting a simple glass of water was troubling me.

Such a soft and gentle soul in such a strong body.

I move wordlessly into the kitchenette and return with two glasses of water, handing one to Terra before taking a seat beside him. He thanks me quietly before taking a sip, an action I mirror.

For a while, we say nothing. It’s a comfortable silence, the warmth from the fireplace slowly filling the room. I’m content, more than willing to spend the remainder of our evening just like this. Lea, more often than not, feels the need to fill any period of silence with chatter and I became accustomed to that, but with Terra, it feels different. Neither of us feel any obligation to fill the silence, sated with the knowledge that we’re sitting shoulder to shoulder. It’s almost...peaceful. I don’t remember the last time I felt this kind of solace. 

It’s Terra who breaks the silence, but he does so cautiously. “I’m sorry,” he says quietly, “about before. Since everything ended, since becoming part of this world again, I’ve been...thinking a little too much, thinking about everything all at once.”

I want to tell him that I’ve been doing exactly the same thing, but I allow him the chance to speak freely without interruption, without my commentary.

He’s looking down at his hands, fingers twitching intermittently. “I’ve made so many mistakes, wasted so many opportunities...and the price I paid was ten years. Ten long years...because of my own neglect, my lack of understanding.”

I want to tell him not to beat himself up over past mistakes, over things he can no longer change, but I bite my tongue. I listen. I bury myself in his words. I focus everything on him.

“I decided that after everything, I’d change things...about myself, about my actions...I’d do things differently.” Terra lifts his head slightly and tilts his gaze towards me. He looks at me and says quietly, “I want to listen to my heart.” 

My own heart abandons its steady rhythm. Everything stops, crashing to a halt. The flickering embers illuminate Terra’s face, making his eyes nearly glow.

Not blue. Yellow. They look yellow.

The realization hits me all at once and I can’t catch my breath. Before I can give myself a moment to recenter, to collect the thoughts that went crumbling to the ground, Terra’s suddenly closer than he was before. His breath is warm against my skin.

Terra kisses me. It’s feather-light. It makes my head spin. It makes my chest ache.

I pull away, panting and wide-eyed. I figured it out. I figured out who he reminds me of.

It’s Xemnas.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> blah blah blah beta'd by me blah


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It hits Isa like a ton of bricks, why Terra looks so familiar. The backlash of that realization and what follows.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Second to last chapter hypeeee~I just started replaying Birth By Sleep the other night which reminded me to, oh, I don't know, update this fic. But, I'm here and here it is and I hope it's enjoyable!
> 
> As always, thank you again to the people who read this. I was always nervous, writing for a rarepair, but this one has brought me a lot of joy and everyone's comments make me so happy that I decided to actually do this instead of letting the idea die (like I usually do) so thank you~
> 
> Just one more chapter after this one! Almost there!

The first Terra I met wasn’t actually Terra. He was a puppet, a white haired, yellow-eyed puppet. Heartless and soulless, he became the thirteenth in a series of eager, malicious darknesses. He did so much harm without even an iota of regret, wearing a twisted grin all the while. I was aware of that version of Terra, while only interacting with him minimally. 

That’s not the problem I encountered.

The two were just that. Two. Completely separate entities sharing barely a name in common. I easily differentiated between the two. I didn’t see Xehanort’s warped version of Terra when I looked at him. That’s not who I saw. In the flickering firelight, that’s not who I saw. The way the light illuminated his face, the way it settled against the curves of his cheek...it seamlessly transformed him into someone I followed blindly for what felt like an eternity, someone I pledged myself to without a second thought.

I saw him and it startled me. It frightened me.

Terra’s eyes are wide. They’re blue, not gold, but I can’t shake it. Flecks of gold reflect against the blue with the embers of the fire. “Isa…?” He sounds so helpless. I can’t help but feel a sense of guilt threatening to overtake me.

Abruptly, I stand. I feel dizzy. I can’t be here right now. I take a step back and open my mouth to say something, anything, but I taste bile and my mouth is dry. I’m finally able to force out, “Excuse me,” before stumbling towards my bedroom, rushing in and locking the door behind me.

It’s impossible to catch my breath. The entire world about me is moving fast, too fast, and I can’t keep up. There’s a tightness in my chest unlike anything I’ve ever felt, like a strong hand is gripping my heart without any intention of letting go. I press my back against the door in a failed attempt to refocus, to disconnect from the static that’s blaring in my head.

I don’t know how much time passes. I have no idea how long I’ve had myself locked in this room. It was quiet for a long time, but that came to an end when I heard the sound of the front door opening and a pair of footsteps entering. The conversation that follows is muffled between the closed door and the unending throbbing in my head, but it ends with a pair of receding footsteps, the opening and closing of the door and silence once again.

I feel like a fool. I ruined it, didn’t I?

“Isa?” Lea’s on the other side of the door. He speaks loud enough to be heard but he’s not yelling. I’m thankful because this relentless ache is getting worse. “Terra seemed a bit...I don’t know? Like he was in a hurry to get outta here? Something happen?”

I don’t blame him for wanting to leave. Why wouldn’t he? I’d ruined it, after all.

“Isa?”   
  
I don’t answer. I can’t find the words. Cold shame washes over me. I take a deep breath, trying to breathe around the lump in my throat. I slid down the door at some point, somewhere between the crippling anxiety and the loud, pulsating pounding at the base of my skull. The world still spins, lopsided and unyielding. It won’t stop. Will it ever stop?

“Isa.” He’s stern now. He’s not asking me for a response; Lea’s telling me to respond. “What happened?”

What exactly does he expect me to say? Does he want me to recount my foolishness? Give him a second by second play-by-play? I exhale. I try to choose my words carefully, methodically, but I give that up quickly. “You were right,” I admit. I can feel Lea’s confusion seeping through the crack in the door. “I thought too much.”

It’s a vague statement, even for me, but he understands. “I mean, not that I don’t appreciate being told I’m right, but care to elaborate a little bit?” Lea tries to tease, tries to make light of the palpable tension, but I don’t have it in me to humor him. When I don’t immediately respond with a quip or a sarcastic retort, his tone changes. It’s softer now. “Talk to me.” 

There’s a soft thud against the door. Lea’s sitting against the other side. I can feel his weight against the door, a comfortable weight shifting against my back. He’s waiting, waiting for me to prattle on and on about what makes my heart ache. That’s not who I am. I never really was that person.

But, perhaps tonight will be different. 

“Everything was fine,” I begin, still attempting to choose my words carefully, “and we were just...talking.” 

“And?”

Impatient as always. “We ended up here. I invited him inside, lit the fire...everything was fine,” I insist. Everything  _ was _ fine...at least, I believe it was. It was more than fine, actually. It was...like nothing I’d ever experienced before. It made me feel warm and weightless. It was organic and natural, a series of moments I never wanted to end. “But…”

“But?” Lea echoes.

“Something happened. I don’t know why. I don’t know why, but I just...I saw something. Maybe it was the firelight or my mind playing tricks on me, but...I saw...I saw Xemnas.”

There’s a beat of silence, just a beat, before Lea replies, “What did you do?”

I froze. I freaked out. I overreacted. I irreparably damaged something divine. “I excused myself and locked myself in here,” I confess. I purposefully left out the tidbit concerning the kiss that was criminally short. I’d been trying to not think about it, my stomach lurching forward whenever the thought crossed my mind. “For those few seconds, it felt so real, as if he were sitting right beside me. It felt like he was here.” 

I don’t fear Xemnas. I never did, but I was always acutely aware of what he was capable of. I stood at his side, obedient and subdued by every word he said and every promise he made. I was his attack dog and I did his dirty work without question, without end. He warped me into a different person, molded me into what he needed me to be and I complied and conformed. 

After the battle, after Xehanort’s failure, things changed. Everyone’s course of action changed. While being unable to forget the darkness and all of the things I’d done, I promised myself that things would be different this time. I’d make better choices, do better things...so I suppose seeing Xemnas again brought it all back at a startling speed. For a split second, it felt like nothing had changed. It felt like I had failed and reverted back to the monster he molded me into.

“You okay?” Lea asks.

No. Maybe? “I don’t know,” is the answer I settle on. It was exhausting, relieving the moment and the complicated feelings attached to it. I didn’t know how to feel. I still don’t. At that moment, I felt ashamed. I felt confused. I felt more than I’d felt in a long time.

“If you need anything, you know I’m--”

I know where this leads. I interrupt him, “I know. Thank you, Lea, but I think I’m just going to go to bed. Goodnight.”

I leave the door locked. I crawl into bed but I don’t sleep. My lips feel numb and my mind races, alive with unease.

~*~

Soon after, Lea and I make the move to Twilight Town. We pack up the few belongings we called our own and leave. Lea’s excited and he hides it poorly and I feel a sense of relief to start over somewhere new. Things were hectic, so during that time, Ventus and Terra’s visits were few and far between. When they did come, I made excuses and made myself scarce.

I felt like a child, but I couldn’t face him, not yet. Each time I thought I could conquer those apprehensions, I shied away. One step forward, two steps back every single time. We’re both adults. It shouldn’t have been this hard, but for whatever reason, the thought of facing my shame, my foolishness, was too much to bare. I avoid them at all costs, despite Lea attempting to invite me every time.

“They’ll be here soon,” Lea would say gently, “if you want to…”

I’d thank him for the invitation and decline in the very same way each time. Lea would offer me a disappointed smile but, much to my surprise, he’d never argue. He’d accepted my choice to be juvenile and he’d saunter away to adventure with his visitors. It was that way until we made the move to Twilight Town. The visits stopped for a while to allow us time and space to get situated. 

Or, maybe Terra had grown tired of the silent treatment. I couldn’t blame him if that were the case.

Every time I refused to see him, I considered his feelings more and more and every time, it hurt a little more. The guilt was acidic, boring a hole in my chest and continuing its slow burn with each passing day. A new day would come and I swore I’d reach out but all the words turned into a corrosive, tangible silence and I retreated back into that uncomfortable solitude. 

I wanted so badly to talk to him. Why was this so difficult? 

It didn't take long for us to hit our stride in Twilight Town. Lea was all smiles, being able to spend as much time with Roxas and Xion as humanly possible. I force myself out of my shell and spend time with the trio, but I’d be lying if I said my mind hadn’t been wandering elsewhere. It wandered frequently, extensively, and it sometimes struggled to return. I wondered if he thought about that night. Did he blame himself for my bizarre behavior or did he rightfully blame me? Did he resent me anywhere near as much as I resented myself? Did he want anything to do with me after what I’d done?

It took its toll on me and I tried my best to simply accept my failure and move forward. The folly was mine and a part of me hoped that Terra wouldn’t allow the situation to hinder him any longer. It would be best that way. 

That thought found its way back into my head as I tried to read. Words twisted and paragraphs jumbled together, rendering reading nearly impossible. I grew frustrated, my focus so impossibly divided that I felt a change of scenery may be what I need. 

I ready myself and venture out. Twilight Turn burns such a beautiful shade. I understand now why Lea took such a shine to it. It feels warmer here in a way I struggle to explain, so I stopped trying and just accepted it.

I only wish I’d learned to do that sooner.

My first thought is to seek solace, find a quiet place to refocus and simply exist by myself for a while, but perhaps a little chaos is exactly what I need to disrupt this particular line of thought. So, I go to the places where Lea and I would go with Roxas and Xion. I check all the usual places, peeking around corners and leaning into shopfronts, all to no avail. 

The last place I think to check is the clock tower. It looms over pretty much everything else in Twilight Town, tall and proud. Since our relocation here, we’ve spent a lot of lazy afternoons atop that tower, so it’s a safe bet to assume that they’re there.

It’s a slow climb to the tower’s peak, but I’ve learned to take it in stride. Idle chatter usually serves as good company on the way up, but I’m offered only silence this time. If no one is up here, this will be my first time up here alone. I’ve been up here with Lea quite a bit, as well as Roxas and Xion, along with the gaggle of their other companions from time to time. Never alone, though. Maybe the experience will offer me the consolation I’ve been seeking.

I step back outside and take in the view momentarily. The wide expanse of oranges, yellows and reds dancing together wildly, casting warm shadows across the town is surely a sight to behold. Inhaling deeply, I take it in for just a second, the silence soothing.

Silence.

I would have heard them by now if they had been up here. Friendly chatter, hearty laughter...I would have heard them. Disappointment swells in my chest and I consider turning on my heel and returning home, but before I can, a familiar voice calls out to me.

“Isa?”

I wasn’t focused. I hadn’t noticed him. I’m usually very observant...but not today. Not now.

“Terra…”


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Both of us open our mouths to speak but nothing comes out. We continue to contribute to this discomforting silence. It’s unbearable."
> 
> Isa and Terra meet again. After what happened, after what Isa saw, what is to become of them?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we are, the final chapter. I hope it's not anti-climactic! ;-;
> 
> If you guys allow me to be a broken record, I want to thank everyone who has read this. Whether you liked it, hated it, commented on it or didn't...thank you for taking the time to read this silly little thing I wrote. This became something that I was very attached to very quickly and the first huge thing I've written in a long time...so thank you. Thank you for humoring me and allowing me to share my take on this delightful little rarepair. 
> 
> I enjoyed it so much that...I'm working on a sequel~I'm only two or so chapters in but as soon as I get a little more written, I'll begin posting it. That wouldn't have been possible without the people who commented, telling me it didn't suck (for real, though...thank you guys so much) and I can't wait to share it with you.
> 
> But, until then~enjoy the ending to Anamnesis!

“What are you…?”

“Ven wanted to visit Lea.”

It feels awkward at first. My heart is pounding in my ears and a lump is growing in my throat. As shameful as it is, my first thought is to retreat, turn tail and run, but I can’t. I can’t move. I can’t manage a coherent thought. I can’t do a single useful thing except clench my jaw so I’m not staring slack-jawed at Terra, who is somehow here, on top of the clock tower, here in Twilight Town, exactly where I am.

There’s a softness to his face that’s foreign to me. The last expression I can clearly recall Terra wearing was one of shock, surprise and confusion, but this...this, I can’t read. He eludes me then and he eludes me now.

Both of us open our mouths to speak but nothing comes out. We continue to contribute to this discomforting silence. It’s unbearable.

So, I end this suffering.

“Do you mind if I sit?” I ask. He’s sitting with his legs dangling over the ledge, the usual position. I don’t dare move until Terra consents. Thankfully, he does. It’s a simple nod but it’s more than I feel I deserve, so I take it. I move slowly, carefully, and position myself to Terra’s right, taking a seat and allowing my legs to hang over the tower’s edge. I made sure to place an acceptable distance between us, lest his demeanor towards me has shifted in the direction I fear it may have.

It’s silent again. Our hands sit still in our respective laps. One inhales and the other exhales. We’re both gazing outward, as if we were both mulling over what to say, what combination of words would make right what I had haphazardly damaged. We’re both coming up empty-handed, it seems, which is discouraging but expected, I suppose. Could things ever be how they were again? Did we stand a chance after what I had done to him? To us?

Was there an us? Had there been? Could there be?

“Isa,” Terra surprises me by saying my name so softly. I turn my head to address him, but he’s still looking towards the sky. “About that night…”   
  
“Terra, I ca--”

He shakes his head. “I sincerely apologize if I overstepped any boundaries.”

No. No, no, he didn’t. Not by any stretch of the imagination .My heart continues to race and I struggle to catch up. “You di--”

He continues, “I just...felt something that night, something that scared me at first. I couldn’t come to terms with it, but all of a sudden, it just made sense.” Relief splashes over his face momentarily before it fades back into a sort of sadness that makes my chest feel tight. “The last thing I wanted to do was make you feel uncomfortable, Isa, and I’m sorry.”

I’m floored. There’s sincerity in his tone and it shakes me to my core. Had he thought about that moment as much as I had? Had he blamed himself the same way I had? We’d wasted time, filling ourselves with shame and apprehension, blaming ourselves for a clumsily handled situation.

Finally, he turns his head just so, just enough to catch my gaze. He wears a dejected smile, as if he had already accepted defeat, both the battle and the war lost. Beyond that, beyond the dryness of my mouth and the forlorn expression he wears, I noticed the color of his eyes. I take it in. I’m willing to drown in it.

They’re blue. There’s profoundly, perfectly, undeniably blue.

I feel a sense of relief overtaking me. I’m helpless to control the ebb or flow of it. In the glow of Twilight Town’s eternal sunset, I see only blue and that fills me with an overwhelming emotion that cannot be named and refuses to settle. I feel my lips twitch and without fully realizing it, I’m smiling.

Xemnas is gone. Terra remains.

“You have no reason to apologize,” I begin gently, “because the fault is mine. That night...was one of the best nights I’d have since returning to this life and I was the one who nearly destroyed that.” I pause, feeling as though the weight of my own words is pressing down on my chest. “Terra, what I did was inexcusable and in no way fair to you, so allow me to apologize to you. My actions were deplorable and I beg your forgiveness.” 

Terra’s expression changes. It’s something calmer now, softer. “It’s yours,” he replies. I’m in awe; without explanation, without a reason, he’s willing to grant me something as fragile, as precious, as forgiveness. There’s a pause, a heartbeat’s worth of silence, before he speaks again, “But, I just...I need to know why. What happened? Please.” 

I owe him this. I owe him so much more but for now, the very least I can offer him is this. “It wasn’t you,” I say, wanting to stress that and make it as clear as I can. I need him to know that, if only that. “When I looked at you that night...I saw...someone else, someone who wasn’t you. Perhaps it was a trick of my mind, a cruel trick. I’m not certain, but whatever it was, it startled me.” It sounds foolish, I know that. A wave of embarrassment crashes into me and I find myself averting my gaze from Terra’s. I exhale slowly, closing my eyes before speaking again, “I promise you that it wasn’t because of you. What I saw was a memory, a fragment of my past, nothing more.” 

I hesitate to explain. Perhaps another day, another time, but at this current moment, I feel an overwhelming sense of nervousness. I fear that diving too deep now would make it impossible to find the surface again. One day, I will fill in the gaps for Terra, I am certain, but just not today.

When I open my eyes again, Terra looks thoughtful, as if contemplating my ridiculous reasoning behind avoiding him. Much to my surprise, Terra replies, “It happens to me sometimes. I see faces from my past, people who played very important roles in my life, people who left me damaged.” He brushes his fingers through his hair idly and asks, “That someone you saw...was it like that?” 

I nod, taken aback by the level of understanding regarding something so outlandish. Our experiences may not have been identical, but we were both doused in darkness, close to drowning, but we both managed to come out on the other side, somehow in one piece. We’re in tact but we both have our own sets of scars and we’re willing to share them with each other. There’s something very personal about it, nearly intimate. 

“I feel a little selfish,” Terra admits with a sheepish smile. If I didn’t know better, I’d swear he was blushing. “I thought I’d scared you off...when I kissed you. I felt terrible, but I still wanted to kiss you again.”

I was only vaguely aware of how smitten I was with Terra throughout the short time we spent together, but if I wasn’t entirely sure then, I’m more than certain now. He worried about what his actions had done, how they affected me emotionally. Even after I scorned him, reacted so strongly to him, a bashful part of him wanted to repeat the action.

Well, who was I to stop him?

Carefully, I scoot a little closer to him. I cautiously move my left hand and place it over his right. His skin is unbelievably warm. I find myself feeling daring, giving his hand a gentle squeeze. Electricity shoots through me, coursing through my fingertips and moving all the way down to the tips of my toes. “Go on, then,” I say, an attempt to be nonchalant despite the flutter in my chest.

I watch eagerly as Terra picks apart my statement and my expression, mulling it over, despite its simplicity. Once he decides it means exactly what he thinks it means, he smiles and leans in to meet me halfway.

Our second kiss is just as feather-light as the first. It makes my head spin but it doesn’t make my chest ache in the same way. It’s allowed to last quite a bit longer than the one before and I’m thankful for that. His fingers curl around mine and the action wills me closer. Basking in the warm light of this ethereal town, we share kiss after kiss until our lips are numb and our lungs beg for the air they’d been deprived.

I’m at a loss for words in the moments that follow. My immediate response is, ‘I don’t deserve this.’ I’m not worthy of his hand holding mine and I’m not worthy of the tingling in my lips. I’m not worthy of his gentility or his endlessly blue eyes. Maybe I never will be, but he makes me want to try to be. Somehow, he makes me believe that I can be worthy of something as simple as a kiss or, perhaps one day, a deeper admiration.

He fascinates me. I can’t quite wrap my head around him but now, I’m thrilled to have the chance to try.

**Author's Note:**

> As per the usual, beta'd by me so apologies if there's errors. I tried.


End file.
